I have some startling news to share. It turns out I possess actual superpowers. For years, the metaphysical mojo of the “Law of Attraction” has eluded me, but last week I made magic. Right in front of my bathroom mirror.

It was a normal Thursday afternoon. I was engaged in my typical online time-wasting, er, research, activity, scrolling through Buzzfeed posts about doggos too pure to exist when one particular headline caught my eye: “Wild Emergency Room Stories.” Definite click bait for my inner medical-OMG junkie.

Among the usual object-in-inappropriate-orifice tales, one story stood out to me, an engrossing—emphasis on gross, here—account of tonsil stones shooting projectile-like from a patient’s mouth. I was stunned even more than I was repulsed. As an accomplished hypochondriac of longstanding, I was ashamed to admit I’d had no clue such things even existed, much less could act as projectiles. But they do and they can. Wow (and eww), I thought, fascinated, in that train wreck sort of way.

For the uninitiated, here is Wikipedia’s definition: “Tonsilloliths or tonsil stones are calcifications that form in the crypts of the palatal tonsils. Tonsils are filled with crevices where bacteria and other materials, including dead cells and mucus, can become trapped.”

Not a pretty picture, I know, but here’s where my story took an eerie turn from plain disgusting to disgusting but magical. Within minutes—minutes, I tell you—of reading this story, I felt something on the roof of my mouth after brushing and flossing my teeth.  I was afraid I’d chipped a molar, but upon removal, I could see this particle wasn’t enamel. It resembled a small piece of nut or seed and since I’m a big consumer of both, I assumed that’s what it was.  I disposed of it and thought no more about it…until the same thing happened the next day.

Could it be an actual tonsil stone, I wondered with trepidation. Could the Law of Attraction have been working in the back of my throat ever since that Buzzfeed story had planted itself in my subconscious?

I immediately retrieved a small flashlight, and, using a nail file for a tongue depressor, exhaled a hearty “Ahhhh” into my magnifying make up mirror. What I saw both shocked and horrified me. Two tiny, whitish particles were lodged in the folds of my left tonsil. I had tonsil stones!  Revolting, true, but proof positive that the Law of Attraction was finally working for me. I had merely thought about something and it materialized. Not exactly the diamonds and dollars—or toned upper arms—I’d tried to visualize into existence countless times before, but you have to start somewhere.

Though grateful for my newfound power, I couldn’t un-manifest my disgusting creations fast enough. Unlike the tonsil stones in the Buzzfeed article, however, mine were anything but easily ejected. I tried all of Wikipedia’s suggestions about gargling and gently pressing with a cotton swab, but those little buggers were not budging. Finally—contrary to all legitimate medical advice—I fashioned an extractor out of a bamboo skewer and carefully shish-kabobbed those little devils right out. I then gargled several times while praying I wouldn’t contract some horrible infection from my “not exactly sterile” surgical procedure.

And that, my friends, is how I came to stand in my power as the co-creator of my own reality. Rest assured I intend to use my power only for good and hope to attract something a bit more glamorous in the future. In the meantime, I’m choosing the Buzzfeed articles I read very carefully.