At 11:02 last night, it dawned on me that I only had 58 minutes to make good on all of my 2015 resolutions. I often do perform best under pressure, but even so it was not easy losing fifteen pounds, learning two new languages, and publishing a book in that amount of time—and all while tallying up my huge profits from several wise low-risk, but high-yield investments. Finishing up those resolutions under the wire left me no time at all to establish new ones for 2016, so, to be honest, I just dusted off some of my back-up resolutions which I‘ve used a couple of times before. Maybe they’ll inspire you to take your life “to the next level” this year. I’ve been trying to get there myself for a long time. (I don’t actually know where the next level is located, but it certainly seems to be a desirable destination among the living large crowd, so count me in!)

In the year 2016, I resolve to:

Do at least one thing that scares me.

Strategy: Undress in front of the mirror…with the lights on…with my eyes open.

 

Go someplace I’ve never been before.

Strategy: Clean the lint trap in my dryer.

 

Extend myself more.

Strategy: Move the peanut butter cups to the top shelf.

 

Eat out less.

Strategy: Have pizza delivered.

 

Eliminate frivolous spending.

Strategy: Buy vowels on “Wheel of Fortune” only on the really hard puzzles.

 

Be a better housekeeper.

Strategy: Buy lower wattage light bulbs.

 

Get more rest.

Strategy: sleep at work.

 

Be more assertive.

Strategy: INSIST on being taken advantage of.

 

Limit TV to educational shows.

Strategy: Mentally correct all the grammatical errors on reruns of “The King of Queens.”

 

Work out religiously.

Strategy: Genuflect before picking up the remote.

 

Overcome road rage.

Strategy: Telecommute

 

Reduce my stress level.

Strategy: Schedule a lobotomy

 

See more of the people I enjoy.

Strategy: Put up more mirrors in my house.

 

Overcome my shallow, narcissistic desire for cosmetic surgery.

Strategy: Take down all the mirrors in my house.

 

Be more decisive.

Strategy: Or maybe not.

 

Wishing you a transformational breakthrough year that propels you all the way to the next level, wherever the heck that is! P.S. If you do get there, please send directions for the rest of us.

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