At 11:02 last night, it dawned on me that I only had 58 minutes to make good on all of my 2015 resolutions. I often do perform best under pressure, but even so it was not easy losing fifteen pounds, learning two new languages, and publishing a book in that amount of time—and all while tallying up my huge profits from several wise low-risk, but high-yield investments. Finishing up those resolutions under the wire left me no time at all to establish new ones for 2016, so, to be honest, I just dusted off some of my back-up resolutions which I‘ve used a couple of times before. Maybe they’ll inspire you to take your life “to the next level” this year. I’ve been trying to get there myself for a long time. (I don’t actually know where the next level is located, but it certainly seems to be a desirable destination among the living large crowd, so count me in!)
In the year 2016, I resolve to:
Do at least one thing that scares me.
Strategy: Undress in front of the mirror…with the lights on…with my eyes open.
Go someplace I’ve never been before.
Strategy: Clean the lint trap in my dryer.
Extend myself more.
Strategy: Move the peanut butter cups to the top shelf.
Eat out less.
Strategy: Have pizza delivered.
Eliminate frivolous spending.
Strategy: Buy vowels on “Wheel of Fortune” only on the really hard puzzles.
Be a better housekeeper.
Strategy: Buy lower wattage light bulbs.
Get more rest.
Strategy: sleep at work.
Be more assertive.
Strategy: INSIST on being taken advantage of.
Limit TV to educational shows.
Strategy: Mentally correct all the grammatical errors on reruns of “The King of Queens.”
Work out religiously.
Strategy: Genuflect before picking up the remote.
Overcome road rage.
Strategy: Telecommute
Reduce my stress level.
Strategy: Schedule a lobotomy
See more of the people I enjoy.
Strategy: Put up more mirrors in my house.
Overcome my shallow, narcissistic desire for cosmetic surgery.
Strategy: Take down all the mirrors in my house.
Be more decisive.
Strategy: Or maybe not.
Wishing you a transformational breakthrough year that propels you all the way to the next level, wherever the heck that is! P.S. If you do get there, please send directions for the rest of us.
This is hilarious! Lee you are so clever and always say what everyone else is thinking!! Awesome post!
Back at ya, Robin! I think we live in each other’s heads–a scary thought. 😉 Full speed ahead for both of us in 2016!
What a great, funny list. I like your style, Lee!
Thanks, Nancy! Now to make good on my other resolution–to fit in your skinny kitchen! 😉
Lee, You made me laugh out loud and that is a welcome activity with the week I’ve had. Love your resolutions. I am falling a bit behind, so I believe I’ll print yours out and adopt them. They are all perfect for me. Thank you for doing the hard work in helping me ‘get to the next level’ in 2016!
C’mom, Molly, it’s not too late. Why, I plan on moving the peanut butter cups first thing tomorrow or the day after or, well, March 19th at the very latest. You need a sweet treat or two after the week you’ve had. Thinking of you.
You’ve got a point my friend. It is never too late to start something new. BTW, moving the chocolate out of my reach is one of your entries I won’t adopt. LOL.
These are brilliant. I am far too old to fall for any ‘New Year New You’ claptrap. I also wheel out the old resolutions, cross my fingers, and hope that maybe they will magically happen in the coming year, but I’m very content if they don’t!
Thanks, Lisa! I say we both keep believing in magic and…a nice Merlot when the magic fails us!
That’s a deal!
I feel ya! And this is hysterical. Thanks for a good Saturday laugh!
You know, I can only push myself so far and I think I’m at my limit with these! 😉 Thanks so much for stopping by!
Great list. I think I’m with you on those.
Glad to hear it, Lois. We can be irresolutely resolute together!
So cute! I’ve already stepped off the cliff and we’re only two days into the new year! If you’re interested, it’s on Brenda’sBlog on 1010ParkPlace.
I’m heading on over to your blog right now, Ms. Brenda. We can go into free fall together! Thanks for stopping by!
I LOVED these Lee – so nice to see someone taking resolutions less seriously and more tongue in cheek! I am SO over all the inspirational resolutions – I refuse to set myself up to fail (but I might use a few of yours!)
Thanks, Leanne! If you want to be seriously uninspired, I’m your girl! 🙂 Happy New Year to you!
Hello Lee I’m new to Midlife Bloggers and I love your attitude. I’m not making resolutions this year I’m just trying to find some BALANCE! Thanks for making me smile and I look forward to reading more of your posts in 2016!
Welcome, Sue! I think balance sounds like an eminently worthy goal for all of us. I’m jumping on your bandwagon…well, I’ll jump if you’ll give me a boost, that is!
Super funny! A definite quandary about whether to put up more mirrors or take them all down!
I know! Let me tell, you after the holiday eating spree, I’m thinking take mine down. I went to the ENT yesterday and never did I imagine I would have to get on a scale just to have my sinuses inspected. I almost refused–how can you ask a woman to get on a scale in public right after the eating season???
Thanks so much for stopping by!
These are genius & I would like to borrow them. I never make resolutions because, frankly, I wouldn’t cope, but I think I can handle these. I particularly like the idea of asserting myself by insisting I am taken advantage of!
Borrow away, darling. I am particularly adept at insisting on being taked advantage of, so if you need help, I’m here! 🙂